How to feel comfortable living with a host family

Through my friends and siblings, I’ve seen the challenges and benefits living with a stranger has to offer. Most of them have lived with people they have never met before through random roommate assignments in college. While living with a stranger challenges one to step out of their own comfort zone, living with an entire family of strangers in their house has its own kind of obstacles and new experiences, many of which you have no control over.

Luckily, there are some things in your control. You can try your best to prepare yourself for living with new people. Study up on the language so that you are able to have a conversation with the family in their mother tongue. Bring the family some gifts from home, it does not have to be anything fancy or expensive, just try and share a piece of your culture with them; giving them a gift will also be a nice note to start off on (make sure the gift you bring doesn’t say “made in China”). Pack accordingly, make sure to do research on wherever you are going so that you come prepared and don’t need to borrow anything from the host family or make them go out of their way to help you (this includes making sure you have an international phone plan and some cash in their currency). Let the host family know if you have any food allergies before you get there so they can prepare for that in advance. Figure out what they are interested in and study up on it a little, making sure you aren’t clueless when you get there. It is also very important that you have all of the paperwork sorted out, contracts, legal documents, Visas, etc. Lastly, call them and facetime them once and a while, this will make things comfortable before you meet them for the first time.

I have had my fair share of host families from four different families in Finland to my current host family in Spain. Host families are like snowflakes, not one is the same. The advice I would have wanted to be given before I left to live with my first host family is to be flexible, adaptable, and to have no expectations. To spend as little time in your room as possible and to say “YES!” to everything. While this advice is very broad, I think it is important to keep it in mind because no matter how much you like the family, it is very easy to miss your own family and want to do whatever you can to make yourself feel like you are back home with them. It might be intimidating to count the days before you go home at first and it will be hard to not want to talk to your friends back home all of the time; From my experience, the quicker you break these habits, the better time you will have. It will be hard at first but you have to remember that you are living with a host family to learn more about their culture and to introduce them to your culture. This is not an experience that will last a long time and it is one that many people wish they could have, so take advantage of it! If you are feeling homesick, instead of locking yourself in your room and going on your phone to talk to people back home; put your phone away and show your host family a tradition from back home or how to make your favorite meal. 

The better the bond you build with your host family, the more comfortable you will be around them. I always find communication to be the most important factor in establishing a relationship. I know language barriers can often get in the way but through google translate, hand gestures, and a lot of patience, you’ll make it work. Try your best to communicate with the family on what the rules are. Some things you can ask them are “Can I do my own laundry? Am I free to eat anything in the kitchen? Can I have friends over? Do I have a curfew?” While some of these questions may seem silly or obvious to you, it is always safe to ask because I can guarantee you that at least one of their answers will surprise you. 

Once you have established a relationship and the rules, try and spend as much time with them as possible. It is crazy how well the language you are learning will improve over simple conversations and you will be amazed by how well you can get to know someone over a yummy meal. Show them your hobbies or sports and popular things from your country. I always try to make my host family some food from America that is new to them (Apple pie and pancakes are normally popular but if you want to make them a dinner, I have found success in Sloppy Joes and Stuffed Bell Peppers). Even if you are dreadful at cooking like me, the family will be flattered by the gesture! They will most likely be appreciative that you want to share your culture with them, no matter how interesting you are or how talented of a chef. 

When I go to a new host family, I like to bring a photo album with me full of pictures of my friends, family, and Oregon. Not only does this give them a taste of who you are and where you come from; it reminds them that you have another home and that you have made the mature and brave decision to come live with them. This will hopefully help them understand that you will get homesick or sad once and a while. 

I think the awkward line between guest and resident is one that you must feel comfortable crossing at some point. For me, it helps to put all of my clothes, shoes, toiletries, etc. away and hide the suitcase. Then I like to put up some picture frames or my own kind of decoration to make it feel more like my room back home. If you’re really adventurous and want to get rid of that “guest” feeling as soon as possible, then just walk around in your PJs or your strictly “only wear at home clothes.” It probably won’t happen right away but at some point you will start to feel like it is your home too. The host family will want you feeling comfortable living there right away as well.

As an AuPair, I had some concerns before living with the host family that didn’t apply to me when I was an exchange student. I wondered if it would be difficult living with my employers or deciphering the boundaries between working time and time off. Lucky for me, I am living with incredible people that have made me feel like a part of the family and has made the phrase “mi casa es tu casa” come true. There is no perfect host family or perfect host student, there are just good matches. 

I hope you found this blog post interesting or useful if you are about to go live with a host family! Leave a message in the comments if you have your own advice or concerns.